Why am I awake help
Anyone want to buy a Revoltech Danboard? Inbox me.
oh my god okay, so
like three summers ago when i still lived with my dad, he worked at his ice cream shop during the whole day, and we had a family friend, liz, living in the house at the time who’d make dinner for me (since she didn’t pay rent or anything) but i made my own lunches
and one time i tried to fry up some potatoes for myself? dad was away ofc and liz was outside on the porch right next to our kitchen, and i’d done this potato thing once or twice without incident before
but the thing is that i’m bad at only doing one thing at a time, so as i often did when i was cooking things (to occasionally disastrous results), at one point i decided i’d run off to check my IMs in the living room real quick (because the kitchen and living room were right next to each other and didn’t have a door separating them, just the couch and then the beginning of the hallway) because potatoes take fucking forever to fry, and then i’d be right back at the stove when i finished answering them
except i have this thing where i can’t have things that touch food in direct contact with tables or counters? there always has to be something between them
and so naturally that applied to the plastic spatula i was using and so before i left i put it on a paper towel on the counter
right next to the stove burners.
when i came back to continue my cooking just a few seconds later thE PAPER TOWEL WAS ON FIRE AND IT WAS PLUMING OUTWARDS FROM WHERE I’D LAID THE SPATULA
AND I PANICKED AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO AND I JUST SCREAMED “LIZ I MADE FIRE” AND SHE SPRINTED INSIDE FROM THE PORCH AND FLUNG THE SPATULA, FLAMING NAPKIN AND ALL, INTO THE SINK AND TURNED ON THE WATER
and once that had settled down and we were no longer at risk of burning alive she turned to me and just went
“how about i make lunch”
and that is the story of the worst thing that ever happened when i tried to cook